Is that a real word or did you just make it up?

How many times have you guffawed - out loud or smothered behind a cough - at someone's verbal gaffe? In particular, when they use a word that you know doesn't exist. Do you experience a moment of amused superiority or, at the very least, save it up to share with friends afterwards? But why do we laugh or sneer at people who unintentionally utter new words? After all, isn't our language built on the creativity of fearless word-building folk?


Our English medieval ancestors spoke a language that was already a bit of a hotchpotch thanks to various invading tribes in the preceding centuries. Then Shakespeare came along and, seeing a need, merrily invented words to suit. He added prefixes and suffixes to existing words, was an early adopter of verbing nouns, copied the Germans by running two words together to make a new one, and dreamed up totally new and different creations. A hundred or so years later pseudo-Latin words were all the rage because people thought it made them look clever. In the 1800s some smart young things thought it was amusing to invent new words such as discombobulate, presumably so that you could discombobulate those who weren't in the know.

So, if English is made up of so many made-up words why are we so quick to laugh at people who use made up words unintentionally? Some made up words are really quite useful. For instance, when a little boy in a swim class couldn't swim along the bottom of the pool, try as he might, his teacher said, 'He's really quite floatacious'. How apt. The boy was not keen to dive either and his teacher decided not to push him too far in case he decided to rebaliate. I know what she means! Once he rebaliates it's all over, believe me! At a local club a committee member thought an unhealthy tree would need to be seen by an arbitrist. Sounds like the right person to make a decision about trees.

When did I first hear of comfortability? I'm not sure, but for me it comes under the heading of 'ugly but out there' words. It's not recognised by any major dictionaries but it's definitely out there on Google. These are the words that are based on something familiar but you can't believe they are for real. In fifty years, the progress of English being what it is, I expect to experience total comfortability with these types of words. In the meantime, I'll leave that one for you to use.

Some words have caught me out. I still cannot come to terms with impactful. I read it for the first time only a few months ago and was all ready to get superior but thought I had better look it up first. It turns out that impactful has been around since the 1950s and has made it into reputable dictionaries. Who knew? Not me. Kanye West did, though. He said 'I am the Number One most impactful artist of our generation.' If you say so, Kanye.

And sometimes it's an education. In a sound bite I heard on the radio, John Kerry, the US Secretary of State, referred to occupated land in Aleppo. What a clanger, right? Er, wrong. Those of you who knew the word already can laugh at me now. 

So when you hear someone utter a word you think is made up, look it up before you snortle. There are more words out there than you can ever know and, after all, our language is built on yesterday's 'ugly but out there' offerings.

How do I use a possessive apostrophe when the word ends in 's'?

Apostrophes can be trying at the best of times, but when the word ends in 's' it gets particularly confusing. How do you know where to put the apostrophe? And what about an extra 's'. Do you need it? The simple fact is that tastes in punctuation have changed over time and now we are left with a headache as we try to follow the rules we were taught all those years ago (well, it was a wee while ago for me, but perhaps not for you).

When the possessing noun is plural and ends in 's' just put the apostrophe after the 's' and then move on. (Some plural noun examples, teachers, shopkeepers, sisters, bosses, but not firemen as although it is plural it doesn't end in 's'.)

All the teachers' pupils ran the cross country run today. Not one of those teachers accepted an excuse. Every child had to run.

The shopkeepers' concerns were unfounded. None of the shopkeepers needed to worry about their shared concerns, after all.

When the sisters' chores were done they were free to annoy their little brother. Those sisters had too much time on their hands. More chores, I say.

The bosses' combined pay would have kept me in champagne for the rest of my life. Are those bosses really worth all that money?

So far, so good. But when you are writing a person's forename or surname things can vary a little and get vague.

The name Jesus and names from the ancient world that end in 's' just take an apostrophe and no extra 's'. I should mention that some people (and countries) include other biblical names in this rule too. Some don't. Examples of names that fall under this rule are Archimedes, Achilles and, well, Jesus.

Hercules' labours were laborious. Well, they must have been or they wouldn't have been called labours, would they?

Names that end in an 'iz' sound (that's called a voiced 's') need an apostrophe and then an 's' added.  

Les's friends never know where to put the apostrophe in his name. They were pretty certain it wasn't Le's.

Names that end in 'ss' need an apostrophe and an 's'.

Mr Moss's house was painted moss green.

But, if you are writing about the Moss family's house you would drop the extra 's' because (...see the first rule at the top) it would be a plural. Like this:

The Mosses' house was painted moss green. Some people like moss green.

So what about all the other names that end in 's'? Lynne Truss, in Eats, Shoots & Leaves refers to Fowler's Modern Usage and offers the following:

...modern names ending in 's' (including biblical names, and any foreign name with an unpronounced final 's'), the 's' is required after the apostrophe.

Lynne Truss's book is an invaluable resource on apostrophes. Yes, indeed!

She used Alexander Dumas's name as an example in her book. I stole that one because I couldn't think of another foreign name with a silent final 's' off the top of my head.

This whole business is messy. It is complicated. Don't worry if your head hurts a little just thinking about it. But next time you need to place an apostrophe just re-read those rules and place that apostrophe with confidence.